Caught in the Slipstream

I bought a watch, haven't had one for awhile. I was in SEAR, using their rest room to tell you the truth befire I headed over to the Games Boutique. They were haveing some sort of WATCH BLOW OUT and I didn't think anything of it until I saw an old friend in the case. The best watch I have ever had was a CASIO sailing watch. It had and analog fave with a digital display wherein you cun use a countdown timer, a stop watch, have a digital watch display (how primitive), show the date and your sperm count. Ok I made that up but you get the point. I had worn that watch for years, used it while racing Solings on SF bay and timed Formula car at Sear Point with it. One day it died, battery. I took it to a jeweler who turned up her nose at the thought of soiling her hands with it, disposable watch she said, and that I should consider purchasing a well made American watch like a TIMEX. She just happened to have a case full of them. They all looked like refugees from that era of style that is so boring that you could experience a narcoleptic event, like a glance from a Somnambulist Gorgon you would be asleep.

I eloquently told her to go screw herself and changed the battery myself, a couple of times, watch worked great until it just wore out. By then the model was out of production and the modern replacements had LEDs ULTRABASS. By then though I had also fallen victim to a modern habit, using my CEL phone like a modern pocket watch. Everybody does that now these days, have you noticed? We all seem to think that it is easier to yank out our Cigular communicator and flip it open like we are requesting Scotty to beam us up. We do this even when our hands are full. That is SO MUCH easier than straping on a watch just before we pick up our car keys and head off to STARBUCKS.

BTW, DUNKIN DOUGH NUTS makes better coffee than STARBUCKS.

Now that is not to say that we don't have much more IMPORTANT things to do with our wrists these days, barbed wire tattoos, handcuff bracelets that sort of thing. For some reason though we seem to think that this is STREAMLINING out lives, one less thing we have to deal with, meaning the watch. NOW we have a phone AND a pocket watch, then we get rid of our notebooks by getting a PALM PILOT phone or a blackberry. Now we have a watch AND a phone AND an address book AND a notepad. Al this leading up to the iPhone, soon to be a ubiquitous part of many people's lives and to replace the Camera as the definitive High school graduation present.

We are STREAMLINING our lives, drafting opportunity on the information superhighway on the high banking of our future. OK...the racing metaphors are the pits, so sue me.

We are doing it to our language as well. "What's going on" becomes "'sup", "You are showing disrespect to me" become "YOU be DISSING me". The latter expression always makes me feel like you are at the dinner table and being served, as in "I am dissing out the mashed potatoes as fast as I can!". What we are doing to the language is a subject for a whole BLOG but as we excise elegance and form from our speech in favor of sounding like rappers and making texting easier 4 U I wonder are we STREAMLINING or just getting lazy?

The same thing applies to our relations with each other as well. In Germany one outspoken (twice Divorced) member of the Government want to make marriage EXPIRE after 7 years. It is like you have to RE-ENLIST or RENEW THE OPTION on your life rather than work at actually try to sustain it. It gives the UP-AND-COMIN-MOVERS-AND-SHAKERS in the world an easy out when they tire of trying to remain civil to someone they ostensibly promised their heart to just a short span of months before.

In the name of efficiency and STREAMLINING we have become more self absorbed, self centered and cynical. In the world we live in today, dark, oppressive and mannerist as it is, those qualities seem inevitable, but that doesn't mean we have to accept them. I won't mourn the passing of love, compassion, devotion and loyalty because I do not believe that their demise in inevitable. In fact I believe that their conservation is something WORTH fighting for.

So how do I start doing this? Well I use more syllables when I talk. I choose to write with a pen (and write clearly and legibly) rather than a mouse hooked up to a word processor. When I watch a movie I refrain form using the fast forward button (well, maybe not with PORN). When I go the store I will not burn extra gas by orbiting for half an hour looking for a parking space so I don't have to walk those extra 15 yards. Finally I will continue to strap on my new watch friend with the broad ANALOG face before I my boots hit the pavement outside my door.

Wanna know what my Sperm count is?