Al-Qaeda should just learn some Patience

So this morning as I was eating my eggs (Scrambled , rosemary, Cumin and HULA GIRL Hotsauce) and my toast (with the Effigy of Mickey Mouse burned into it like the Virgin Mary on a tortilla) I flicked over to CNN.com to read the news. Of late CNN's interface, once stoic and predictable, has started showing signs of Webdesign ADD. With the Gen x'ers in control things like interfaces get STALE faster than bagels is Tuscon and we can't have that. Buddha forbid that we should be able to find anything.

This morning's addition was a "Most Popular" section, sort of an "American Idol" version of current events. Crunching on Mickey's skull I turned my gaze that way and almost shot his masticated grey matter out off my mouth like a doughy Exocet. At that point I realized that all the damn terrorist could save a shitload of money. If they are trying to bring about the fall of western civilization they should just wait, we will take care of things ourselves. Either that or we will rapidly dumb ourselves down to the point where they can come in and kill us with hammers whilst we roll about in discarded TWIX wrappers and watching reruns of reality shows in hopes that they will end differently.

So what were the MOST POPULAR stories on CNN?

1.) Lindsey Lohan arrested again-Yes, on the information super highway what WE want to know is about a spoiled 21 year old film actress getting drunk, buying a bag of Cocaine and getting arrested AGAIN for drunk driving. I don't hold anything against Miss Lohan (Sorry, Ms. is too dignified for someone in her position) doing what she did, hell she was just doing what the majority of her readers would do in her position, PARTY 'TIL THEY PUKE! Over their morning STARBUCKS American get a good dose of vicarious joy while on their way to their drab wretched jobs.

2.) Kelly Clarkson Apologizes - For what? Being the focus of a bunch of mouth breathing droolers who actually buy into the idea that "entertainers" actually give a ratshit about the people they entertain? No she apologized about a feud with her record producer and her label. WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT! Why the hell do we care? If you like her music, great, if you think she has a nice rack and you like to watch it jiggle on VH1 while she sings even better! WHY the hgell though is it news that she wants her band, producers and record label to be one big happy family? Well I will tell you why it is, because we made it news. Because in the popularity contest of information here tit won out over an article about robotic prosthetics that give disabled vet a chance to feel human after fighting Chevron's war.

(I might also add that an article about the MARS Rover and dust storms lost out in billing to a critique of the TRANSFORMERS video game...ON THE SCIENCE PAGE!)

So in the end Osama and his boys should take a cue from the West, sell their Kalashnikov and buy all the religious DVDs they can stuff on their shelves, fry iup a camel, smack up some hummus and turn on "Saturday Night Beheading" on ESPN -Saudi Arabia. They don't need to bring down Western civilization, we are doing a pretty damn good job of it ourselves.